We're Going Backwards

While I love spring, it has always been a problem with me with allergies.  I spend the first half of every day sneezing, sniffling, and wheezing for a good portion of the season.  At this point, I've come to expect it and I accept it.  I tough it out and stock up on Puffs Plus.  

But for whatever reason, the allergies have come back in the Fall.  I'm entirely unprepared for this.  Last weekend was particularly miserable; my body thought it was sick so I was dry coughing.  I really didn't enjoy that.

So whatever is causing this allergenic revival... stop.

Not the Race, Not the Finish

Some fairly standard boilerplate here.

Yeah, it's nice to get a little affirmation every now and then, but this isn't anything I haven't seen before.  Look, yes, us "nice guys" do tend to do those things, and yes, it would be nice for that to be recognized, appreciated, and acted upon.

But let's be honest here.  Most "nice guys" find themselves in the friend zone because they don't have the balls to make a move and ask a girl out.  There's a window.  The guys who have a little courage are the ones that don't let it close.  Most "nice guys" let the window close then complain about it.  They don't try to re-open it, either.

In other words: The "nice guys" need to look in the mirror a little bit.

Wherein I Complain About Unimportant Things.

Our apartment is .3 miles¹ from the exit off US 50². As such, I frequently exit the freeway to get back home. If I'm coming from the north, which I almost always am, I have to turn left on Richland. 90% of the time, I'm waiting for the light to turn green. No problem. The annoying part is that there are two more lights after I proceed under an overpass that seem to be for some reason wired with the light I'm faced with getting off 50. When it turns green, the others turn red. There is no reason for this, and it happens whether or not there are cars waiting. And usually by the time the second light turns green, someone coming the opposite way is in the left hand turn lane, making me wait another 15 seconds to get home. This is all unnecessary and needs to stop.

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1 Did we measure it? Yes. Yes, we did.

2 The road spans more than 3,000 miles from Ocean City, Maryland, to West Sacramento, California. Obviously, it's one of the country's longest roads. I like the theoretical idea that with just a couple turns I can visit my friend Brenda in Sacramento.

A Bizarro Mirror

If such a thing as the opposite of me exists, it might be this guy.  Look, I'm not about to sermonize, but I truly do not understand the joy such a lifestyle brings.  There's a post in which he runs down a list of girls that he needs to text and gives a brief description.  He calls kissing them a "close."  And he likes the "quick close."  My reaction to that?  Sadness.  He mentions scripts and ploys he uses.  To which I ask: Why?  Yes, I know the goal.  But why is that the goal?  Is it a fear of vulnerability, of honesty?  Is it a naked dedication to physical satisfaction?  I think the first possibility is worse than the second.

I wish I knew his motivations, why he chooses to do what he does.

Lupine Appetite

Have you ever really, really wanted to kiss someone? So bad it felt like hunger? So bad it was as necessary as oxygen? And when you did get that kiss, it filled a primal need? When you get to that stage with somebody, you really have something.

I've been there once. It was nice.

The Sweet Sorrow

I was listening to the "Wall-E" director commentary the other day. Andrew Stanton was talking about how two people holding hands in public is a big sign of intimacy and comfort. Funnily enough, I had never thought about that. I had thought about holding hands itself, just not in public. Stanton makes sense; one time I was in public with a girl and she held my hand and I wasn't cool with it. I didn't realize why until later: I wasn't really into her.

What I have thought about are three simple words: I miss you. Oh, thought I was going somewhere else with that, weren't you? Take a moment and think about it. It might be something we over look, but that's a powerful feeling, actively feeling less because of the absence of another. To tell that person as much is a very intimate thing. To have it reciprocated? That's very powerful. The first time someone special said that to you, it had a punch, didn't it? I bet it did.

Next time someone says that to me, I'm going to appreciate what's behind those words.

Wonder Years

When I get together with the maternal side of the family, I usually end up playing with my second cousins. The oldest of the four is 10. It's fun, and it certainly beats the banality of conversing with the adults. They are not exciting people.

At the family Christmas, I was goofing around with them when Travis turned to me.

"How old are you?"

"How old do you think I am?"

"I don't know... 13?"

You know, I think it's a compliment, deep down. If real kids think of you as a kid, you're probably doing something right.

The Three Stages of Cinnabon

Stage 1: "I have to have one! It smells irresistable!"

Stage 2: "Oh man. This is so good."

Stage 3: "I should not have eaten that."

Marilyn Monroe

It's a bit mystifying to me that Marilyn Monroe is held up as this sort of paragon of feminism by my generation. Have these people actually spent the time to learn about who she was an what she did? She slept with anyone and everyone. She was an alcoholic and a druggie.

So, yeah, aspire to that.

Two Face

Some words of wisdom from my roommate, Steven C. Porter:

"You have two modes: Really exciting... and everything else."

Please, Just Stop

Has there been a sports star less interesting and compelling in recent memory than Michael Phelps? The man has the personality of a doorknob. Yet even one year after the Beijing Olympics, he's still all over the media. Why? Even the bong "controversy" was bland. Not even the media hype machine could generate much interest in the story.

Just let the man swim in pools and date strippers. That's all he's good for. Tell us about people that might actually capture our attention.

Jacko

Amid all the strange postmortem love for Michael Jackson was innumerable people citing him as an influence. It's not hard to see; how can you be a worldwide phenomenon, sell a kabillion records, and not inspire others? NeYo said Jackson is the very reason he wanted to be a musician, and that all R&B artists owe their careers to him.

Well, now I know whom to blame.

McDown Under

Saw an ad on Australian TV for McDonalds. With a food purchase, you can buy a mini-board game for a dollar. Why don't we get promotions like that? I still wouldnn't eat there, but I would get one of those games. Just another reason Australia rules.

And Another Thing

When two people in a romantic relationship grow very close very quickly, this is seen as a bad thing.

When two people in a Platonic friendship (usually of the same sex) grow very close very quickly, this is seen as a good thing.

Someone explain that.

Riddle Me This

In many public restrooms, they have those big double toilet paper dispensers. Why is the roll that's farther away the one that's always open? You have to sort of lean to get it... why can't I just slide the cover over and get to the close one?

Resume Management

There comes a point in one's career in which prospective employers no longer care about part of your history. When I'm trying to get a job when I'm 30, nobody really needs to know that I worked at Sea World when I was 16. It's relevant, but only in a very limited sense and has little direct bearing on what is happening now.

I wonder now if I have reached the point in which high school relationships don't count. Yes, I officially dated two girls in high school, but that was a long time ago and under very different circumstances than I would date a girl now. Does it count? Should it be removed from the "resume"?

What of relationships that were such in name only? Does it count that I dated Kat for two weeks? How can that be part of the tally? Probably not. I say now I have never been in a "true" relationship¹- one in which genuine exchanges of emotion and spirit took place. I never have been in the position to need to truly take another into account when making an important decision. I have not had to think of another person when envisioning the future, long term or short.

Perhaps I should just note my "girlfriend number" has an asterisk. Makes sense to me.

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1 I note with some ruefulness I'm getting to the age in which this would freak women out. Sounds like a catch-22.

Yeah, That Sounds Nice

I'm currently reading The Broom of the System by
David Foster Wallace (who else?). I had never ventured into DFW's fiction before, but at LaWell's prodding and providing of books, I am doing so. While I'm still in the nascent stages of the book and his fiction writing in general, I am enjoying it thoroughly, even if I still like his essays better. Aw well. Either way, I wanted to post this excerpt.

"I admit it, it is what I do, I am a kisser, and a kiss with Lenore is, if I may indulge a bit for a moment here, not so much a kiss as it is a dislocation, a removal and rude transportation of essence from self to lip, so that it is not so much two human bodies coming together and doing the usual things with their lips as it is two sets of lips spawned together and joined in kind from the beginning of post-Scarsdale time, achieving full ontological status only in subsequent union and trailing behind and below them, as the join and become whole, two now utterly superfluous fleshly bodies, drooping outward and downward from the kiss like the tired stems of overblossomed flora, trailing shoes on the ground, husks. A kiss with Lenore is a scenario in which I skate with buttered sloes over the moist rink of lower lip, sheltered from weathers by the wet warm overhang of upper, finally to crawl between lip and gum and pull the lip to me like a child's blanket and stare over it with beady, unfriendly eyes out at the world external to Lenore, of which I not longer wish to be part."

OK. So, I don't know if you noticed, but that whole thing was only two sentences. Also, wow. I don't know if anyone has actually experienced anything like that, but it sounds pretty incredible, no?

Seriously, the genius of this man almost hurts. In telling people about DFW, I say he was so brilliant, it tortured him. In reading him, I wish I could even approach a glimmer of his talent. The other part of me knows it couldn't handle that burden.

A Quick Plea

Dear Conan O'Brien,

Please stop talking about how you're moving to "The Tonight Show." All you're doing is depressing us who do not want to see you move to Los Angeles and stop being funny. Furthermore, you're reminding us that the comedy black hole known as Jimmy Fallon will be replacing you. Not even The Roots can save that guy.

So...

I was planning on posting my ballot today, but that's going to have to wait until tomorrow, it looks like. I simply got caught up in the whirlwind fury of this election night.

I went to Baker Center to watch the results. I didn't really want to sit this out alone, and I really wanted to see how people would react. It seemed an Obama victory was inevitable.

Watching it actually unfold, seeing him amass an impenetrable lead so quickly, was actually kind of shocking to see. I didn't anticipate how it would actually feel. And I completely underestimated how people would react. When CNN announced Obama the winner at 11:00 p.m., the auditorium erupted. Whistles, applause, cheers, hugging, high-fives, crying, chanting. It went on for several minutes. A pure wave of euphoria swept us all away. And the videos were coming in from New York, Chicago, Australia, Kenya! It was like the whole world, in that moment, was united. I never thought I'd see it. Amazing.

I am not ashamed to admit I teared up a little. Never been had I seen anything like that related to politics. Regardless of who you wanted to win, it was a pretty powerful moment. So wow. I hope we build on that.

Fond Remembrance

I know you can't read this, because you're dead. I'm going to type it anyway.

I still miss you. Terribly. I think of you all the time, and I don't believe that will ever change. When you left, that changed my life forever, and it's a hole I'm never going to be able to fill. I loved you more than I've ever loved anyone else, including myself. Indeed, I loved you more than I thought I ever could. I hope you think I didn't take you for granted. I hope I knew how good things were when you were around.

When I visit the place you used to live, I still expect you to be there. That will probably happen until I stop visiting that place. It's not the same without you. It seems... cold there. Almost lifeless.

You saved my life. I hope you know that. When I was in my darkest place, where I couldn't even imagine the sun or the light, or even the divine, you were there. If you weren't, I probably would be dead now. And whenever I needed you, you just knew. You were there. I didn't even have to ask.

I will, one day, try to fill this void in my heart. I have to. But it won't be the same, and it won't be you. So whoever tries will ultimately fail.

I miss you. I love you. Forever.