Snark Sharks

More and more recently, I've become aware of the generation gap between mine and those older than me. It seems to be a bit easier to see the differences between me and those younger, but I find the differences between me and those older more striking¹. One thing I find interesting is when differences are pointed out, it usually comes across as criticism. Not necessarily destructive criticism, but criticism nonetheless.

If you were not able to see Conan O'Brien's farewell speech on “The Tonight Show,” take a moment to watch it now, specifically his remarks at the 3:40 mark. I bring this up for a reason. I am a pretty cynical person despite an optimistic and idealist side² that is often fighting to burst through. My Twitter page bio openly uses the word “snarky” to describe myself. One of my favorite shows is “InfoMania,” a show described by a magazine as “'The Daily Show's' smartass younger brother³.” I was visiting my parents one time and watching “InfoMania” and my father watched some of it. After a few minutes, he turned to me and asked, “Don't you ever get tired of being snarky?”

I think my response at the time was along the lines of “no.” I've since thought about it more, and my answer is this: What else do you expect?

For the first time in human history, we have been commodified and marketed to from birth. We exist to consume and spend in the corporate world's eyes. We were raised not on values, but on products, food, and items. When you're constantly being sold something for your entire life, you learn not to trust. We look at the 60s and 70s, and we don't want to violently revolt. We saw what that brought, and we don't want to go there. Besides, when you're constantly being marketed to, you are going to buy things⁴. It's unavoidable. We start making a ruckus, and we might lose some of those nifty gadgets. Who wants that?

Make no mistake: Some (many) people completely buy into this. They are caught at a young age, they like the life, they don't think it's worth it to fight, etc. Others don't accept what is trying to be foisted upon us, but the deck is stacked in their favor. We can't trust the government to help⁵, we see corporations doing whatever they want, we see many good things being sacrificed to the corporate cause (colleges, good domestic jobs, etc.). We get taken advantage of.

What can we do? Not much. There aren't enough of us, really, to change things. We do what we can, but it feels like throwing rice against a brick wall. We know how it's going to turn out⁶. So we turn to cynicism. We turn to cutting sarcasm. It's less an offensive tool than a defense mechanism. It's a way to stay sane. We choose to laugh instead of getting angry. Would getting angry help the cause? Perhaps, but again, we don't want to repeat the ugly events of the past.

In our own way, snark is gallows humor. Remember this when I make cynical riffs on Obama.

So why are we snarky? Frankly, it's a product of the world we were placed into. In other words, you did this to us. Conan doesn't like cynicism? Few people do. I know I don't enjoy it, but it's a trusted ally in a world sorely lacking them. But Conan has had success and riches beyond his wildest dreams. He lives in a fantasy world. We live in the real world, and we see the ugliness of it. He doesn't. It's easy to not be cynical when you have so little to be cynical about⁷.

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1 Then again, how important can the younger crowd yet be?

2 My cynical side might point out it wouldn't exist if not for the idealist, optimistic side.

3 I liken it more as a cross between “Daily,” “The Soup,” and “Tosh.0.”

4 Or you're going to live in a van.

5 Both parties- BOTH- are so obviously on the take it's sickening.

6 Yes, I may have read 1984 one too many times.

7 He could have been cynical about losing his show, perhaps, but he walked into a huge buyout as a result. Not much to quibble with.

Summertime, Summertime

This article by Steve Tignor¹ had me feeling nostalgic. It's a little weird to feel nostalgic about summer during summer, but think about it. It's not quite the same, is it?

I suppose that's one of the consequences of aging: Summer just doesn't quite have that magic. On the face of it, it makes sense; school is out, you have no responsibilities other than making sure you come home alive when the sun sets, and there was just a sense that you could do anything. The days were wide open. Sometimes you had a thing planned that you knew you were going to do, but more often than not you would get together with your friends and ask, "What are we going to do today?" If you were anything like my group of friends, you'd spend half the day trying to figure that out, but when you did, it was on.

I spent more than one summer this way: Get up, call Josh Crawford, go outside, play basketball in the driveway for 10 hours², sit on the porch when it was finally too dark to play. Throw in an Indians game once or twice a week³ and it was summer well spent. I remember that semi-humid haze of a summer dusk, when it was not quite cool but not really hot and the sky was sort of a ruddy color. Sitting there on the porch, it was just really nice. In high school, it would be going to the tennis courts at end, turning on the lights, and just playing in that warm summer air and imagining it was the US Open with the lights on. We would play well past midnight sometimes, just because we could.

Like all youth, I was foolish enough to think it would always be like that. Now, summer doesn't hold that promise of possibilities Why? There's a variety of reasons. For one, I think I have friends now that prefer to be inside than outside⁴. I also have a lot of friends that are married or in committed relationships now, so they're hanging out with their significant others and not me. Probably more importantly, we have jobs and commitments and other things. We can't just go outside and run around for no reason. We almost have to have a reason to go outside and have fun; it has lost its intrinsic value.

As I got older, I spent less time outside. Why? I'm not sure. It seemed like movies, videogames, etc. just held our interest more. The thing is that I don't think I've ever regretted spending a day outside; there have been many an occasion I regretted not doing so.

Summer hasn't changed, of course, we have. I would still take summer 100 times out of 100 instead of winter or fall. Perhaps I need to learn to appreciate summer in a different way. I've come to appreciate waking up to a brilliant azure sky instead of the gray dinge with which winter greets us. Maybe I need to take the bull by the horns and just get out there more⁵. It's a lot easier to just go to work, go home, eat, and do other things. And by the time I realize it, the day is gone and it's already night. Carpe summer⁶?

(Side note: Hey, hey! Blog post #100! Here's to the second century mark.)

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1 He's become one of my favorite writers. He also uses the technique I think is necessary to be a successful tennis writer: He writes about the things surrounding the game, the spirit of it. He combines this with unparalleled insight and good humor.

2 You would think playing that much would have made me good at it. It did not.

3 My parents were partial season ticket holders.

4 I'm starting to think this is a consequence of getting older. Kids want to be outside all the time. Adults do not. Why? Maybe we feel the temperature more, maybe we get used to the comfort of being inside.

5 I underestimated how much easier it is to be outside all day when there someone else making your meals for you.

6 Something that I've found is that it's so much more enjoyable to do nothing outside than it is inside. Even if it's just reading or updating your blog, it's a lot better to do so outside. That's what I'm doing right now.

Have Cake, Will Eat

Anyone who knows me at least a little knows I spend the vast majority of my time single. And, once upon a time¹, it's something I whined a lot about. I sort of got suckered in by seeing romance on TV and movies, sadly. I felt like I was missing out on the human experience by not having a girl to do things hand-in-hand with.

Oh, but I had a plan. I was going to go to college, meet my wife, get married, and start life from there. It was beautiful, simple, and guaranteed to work. As you can likely ascertain, that did not happen. I'm sure the 18-year-old version of myself would have considered this a failure at life. The current version does not share that opinion.

If anything, I've grown accustomed to, and perhaps even come to expect, the single life. At heart, I'm an independent person. I want to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I don't want to have to account for my whereabouts with someone else or have to worry about another person's schedule or opinion when figuring out what I want to do².

When you're in a relationship, the primary price you pay is your freedom³. I've had it for so long, I don't know what I would do without it. That would be a huge adjustment for me. I'm an American, right? Am I not supposed to cherish freedom? Freedom and guns? A subset of that is the expectations. You're expected to "check in" every so often, whether you want to or not. I bristle at that.

I've always wondered why so many people end up pairing off. I find it hard (if not impossible) to believe everyone is happy in a marriage/lifetime relationship. Why do it? Tax benefit? Societal pressure? Fear of living alone? Child rearing? I don't know. Maybe I'll ask the next miserable-looking couple I see⁴.

I'm at that age where more and more friends are getting married. This scares the crap out of me. Are you people all insane? What is wrong with you? My best friend has been married for more than a year and a half now. I don't know how his head has stayed attached to his neck. Someone very prominent in my life recently intimated to me his/her future husband/wife is his/her current boy/girlfriend. My first thought? "No! This can't be! I'm not ready for this!" How do you people do it?

I've yet to have an actual adult relationship, so maybe I have it all wrong. I've had flings- more than I thought I would- and I won't deny they were fun. Perhaps I enjoy the thrill of something new. Maybe when it comes down to it, I'm terrified of a committed relationship and I subconsciously pick girls I know it can't work with or I sabotage it. I don't know, but it's an interesting theory.

I've gotten used to my life as it is. If anything, a girl coming along for the first time annoys me more than anything else. This is for a couple reasons: 1. I expect things to fail. 2. It messes up my routine, such as it is. Suddenly, I have to start thinking about that other person. I have to try talking to them⁵, which means I have to start putting other things around it. It's annoying, but I feel like I have to at least try⁶. I mean, hey, there's a girl, and I'm interested... something good might happen, right? Right? So then I find annoyed at the girl for being the reason I'm changing things up. Of course, she's completely innocent in the matter and never did anything wrong to deserve such feelings. As a result, I get even more annoyed at myself for being annoyed. It's a nice little circle.

In other words, I don't want to try, except I do. And I want things to change, but stay exactly to same. That's not asking too much.

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1 High school. I have no idea why anyone put up with me back then; I was insufferable.

2 Like last summer when I went to Cincy for three days to see the tennis tournament. I didn't tell anyone. I just went. That's freedom you can't buy.

3 But considering how few people choose to be single for life, it must be worth it. Still, I find that a bit crazy.

4 I could launch a full sociological study at the Athens County Fair alone.

5 But not too much! And not too enthusiastically! It's beyond stupid.

6 Otherwise, I have cousins thinking I'm gay.

Maybe I'm Out of Touch...

Now, I realize I'm hardly the first person to say this, but I've never understood the "it's complicated" option for relationships on Facebook. I never really thought about it, but someone rather important in my life now claims this status for herself, so let's dwell on it for a moment.

Let's go over this: You aren't quite sure what to make of your... relationship... quest... thing... with what may or may not be a significant other. It's unclear what direction things are heading, and even if you know how you feel about that person, you don't know how the other person feels. You don't know if you want a commitment, you don't know if the other person wants a commitment. But you like the person- that much is evident- and you don't want to be just friends.

Not only are you cognizant of these things, but you actually admit them to the other person, and they agree. How do you have that conversation? "Hey, um, look, we're not boyfriend/girlfriend, but we're not just friends, and we haven't really decided what we are. You want to let the rest of the world in on our indecision?"

Locking the Closed Door

It is interesting how your friends will hold people who have hurt you in the past in greater contempt than you do. Take Tim, for example. When I told him I was going to have lunch with an ex-girlfriend, his response was, "What is wrong with you? Do you just sit around thinking, 'What is the worst thing I can do today?'" While funny, it is also pretty harsh. Yeah, when that ex dumped me, it sucked. But I've gotten over it. We've talked many times since, even sat next to each other in a class we were both taking. I have no ill will toward her. Tim's not alone in his vitriol. Opp told me that he "hates" the girl, which seems to be a pretty extreme reaction. Considering what other girls have done to me, aborting a relationship early seems downright benign in comparison.

Anyway, she hadn't been to Rio Grande before. It being my favorite restaurant in Athens (free chips and salsa!), I suggested that be the place we go to. She got there at 1:15, and we left at about 4:30 (giving me precious little time to prepare for the beating of Kent State that was to start at 6). I was actually nervous about it beforehand; this was the first time we had specifically set aside time to hangout since we broke up almost two years ago. Would it be awkward? What were we going to talk about?

As it turned out, my fears were unfounded. Our conversation spanned a wide array of topics and at no point was there an awkward pause. I had forgotten how easy it was to talk with her. Excepting Tim and possibly Melissa, I don't know of anyone else I have an easier time talking to. Furthermore, I've yet to meet another girl with whom I relate to on as many levels and issues. That makes for pretty easy talking. We did touch the topic of our relationship. I had no intentions on bringing it up, but she alluded to it and my curiosity moved it. She said she didn't feel that we were clicking. And you know what? I can respect that. No problem. Yeah, I felt blindsided by it (she said that was really painful for her), but if that's how it has to be, I can deal. Besides, it's been a while since that happened. I didn't think about it, but it was nice to have that final closure on things.

I'm still not quite sure what to make of this, but she told me I'm the most interesting, fascinating person she's ever met, and I would be very difficult to top. Yet she has no feelings for me beyond that of a friend. So it goes for me, I guess, always missing the pitch just enough to foul it off instead of hitting it into the stands. She said she wanted someone more extroverted and someone she could dance with. Little did I know that the joke I've cracked about that was true! I'm weirdly insightful on accident sometimes. Thinking about it, I could very easily marry someone like her and be very happy. But not her.

I can't say I'm out looking for someone like her. Even on its face, that would be foolish; I haven't met anyone else quite like her. More than anything else, it's nice to know it is possible to transition back to being friends, that the ground doesn't have to be burned behind you. We'll do a lunch again, I'm sure, and have a great time. That's what friends do.

Self-Loathing in 2008

If one good man plants himself upon his convictions, the whole world will come round. -Emerson

I am fully cognizant of the fact that, at 23, I am still young. Some people wait a lifetime- some more- for that to hold true. Yet I can't help but wonder I have planted myself on firm ground or quicksand, if I will stand tall or watch the earth swallow me whole.

This is almost certainly an overreaction to a semi-fight with who feels sometimes like my semi-girlfriend, but I'm questioning if my choices and decisions in life haven't isolated me from the greater part of the humanity around me. If she understands and respects those decision as she claims, she does not accept them or agree with them. Nor do most people. The problem with living your life differently than most do is you meet resistance from those who, for whatever reason, take offense (however unjustifiably) at your life. And people who tend to live their lives like I do seem to pair off rather quickly. It makes sense, I guess: When you're on that path, you realize there aren't many others on that path, and you want to hold on to one if you can find one.

(Quick aside: Since when does a closed door mean I want to be bothered every 10 minutes? Stop it.)

In all, I feel increasingly alone. I don't feel like it's anyone's fault, really, and I don't have any idea how it can be changed. I can't change my stances, even if she wants to pressure me (a little) to do so. It's who I am, and I can't be anyone else. I don't do pretense well, even if my mother would like me to pretend to give a crap about the guests in the house.

Maybe the world will come round. More likely, it'll crush me.

Taboo Taboos

I have to admit I really took to "Beauty and the Geek." For those of you who have never seen it, it's dubbed as a "social experiment" that pairs a geeky guy with a "beauty," a woman who is pretty (at least by the standards established by some) but doesn't have much in the way of knowledge or skills. The partners then teach each other what they know, such as computer skills, interior decorating, politics, fashion... whatever. As the show stresses, it's not a dating situation. They were showing the second season on MTV Sunday, so I was flipping between that and the NBA playoffs.
It ended up being really interesting, watching the girls learn things they thought they couldn't and the guys acquiring social skills they previously lacked. And, of course, it doesn't hurt to use the show to promote yourself. There was one particular episode in which the guys were versed in dating skills. Mind you, many of these guys had never been on a date before or had little more experience with women. So they learned about dating the way we all have, by reading books about it.

One part that struck me was when some guys were being quizzed and a question came across about what two things should not be discussed on the first date. He answered-and got the point for the question-that people should not discuss politics or religion on the first date. I don't get that.
We live in a country that has a very strange relationship with the spiritual. We've been called and claim ourselves to be a Christian nation (I've always wondered why this claim was so important; we're not flying the Cross on the flag or anything), yet we keep faith at arm's length unless it's convenient for us to invite it in. Need a reason to kick gays? Rally around the Bible! Church this Sunday? Well, I guess I'm not all that serious about my faith. As a people, we refuse to embrace faith, but we also refuse to push it away. It's like we can't decide. When it works for us, we go with it. When it doesn't, we ignore it.

My question is this: Why wouldn't you discuss religion on the first date? And if the first date isn't the right time for that, which one is? The third? Fifth? Twenty second? We're so afraid to offend each other, apparently. Well, if someone is offended by the fact I openly worship Christ, I'm not going to feel sorry for it or apologize for it. Similarly, I'm not going to be offended by someone else's faith (unless that religion is the Ohio State Buckeyes). Here's the thing. If you take religion even at least somewhat seriously, isn't it important to know how the person you're having dinner with stands? I wouldn't want to wait until a seventh date to find out the girl is Jewish. It's just not going to work that way. Religion is, for many people, a defining trait. Hiding it or not talking about it strikes me as dishonest. I want to know if we're compatible on this very basic level before moving forward. If so, great. If not, it's best to know that at the start. A seed can only grow in certain soils, right? I know where I stand. She's going to know that, and I'm going to know where she is. That's how it has to be. Plus, if we are in the same place in this regard, that's a great starting point. Talking about Jesus is a pretty good way to grow closer to someone, I say. I don't understand why we should not talk about something that should be celebrated instead.
Politics is a bit of a stickier issue. I probably wouldn't bring it up on a first date, but I wouldn't run away from it, either. For one thing, it's nice to know if I can hold such a conversation with the girl civilly. If it turns into a shouting match, that's probably a bad sign. Also, if we see eye-to-eye on a couple things, that's great. But if nothing else, it's a point of conversation. Conversation is usually a good thing.

The bottom line here is that it strikes me a silly to say these are not proper first date tactics. This is very basic, very important information about a person. Wouldn't you want to know these things?

Another thing from the show was a competition in which the guys had to memorize what kind of shoes and purses the girls wanted and pick them from a wall of a lot of shoes and purses. This might be my ranting side, but this seems like a pretty unfair characterization of women here. Are they trying to tell these guys shoes and purses are what's most important? That takes a pretty shallow chick to put that at the top of her list of priorities.