I Haven't Written Since June? Whoops.

Facebook must not have a lot of faith in me. I keep seeing this flyer for "How to Meet Chicks." Apparently it wants to teach me how to meet and talk to girls. Maybe tomorrow it can give me dietary advice.

So, the summer came and went. I worked on third shift a lot. I made a lot of money. I made friends. I didn't play much tennis. I didn't see Tim much. I did, of course, attend his wedding, being a groomsman and all. I have to say... drunken bridesmaids are not my friend. This random girl pulled me out on the dance floor suddenly, then said, "you failed" and walked off, leaving me wondering what in the world just happened. To affirm me, the maid of honor assured me that I did indeed fail. Thanks. The same drunk girl later grabbed me again, yelling "Let's take a picture!" So we did, and then she started spinning. Now, we were able of equal weight, so there was no way I was going to be able to stop her. I thought I did well just to keep her head from bouncing off the ground. Not everyone agreed.

So, once again, I am in Athens for the school year. Mercifully, I'm not living in the dorms. I've bunkered down with TR in an apartment a mile or so from campus. It's so much better than dorm life that I'm kicking myself for waiting so long to make this move. However, I have no furniture. I'm sitting on the floor as I write this. Saturday is the first home game of the year for the football team, with volleyball debuting next week. I'm excited.

I'm getting close to filling up another poetry notebook. I'll have to buy a new one. Do they still make the Five-Star notebooks? I like those. Sometimes, I wonder if I'll become famous posthumously, like Dickinson. That would be kind of cool, wouldn't it? Following in the footsteps of my favorite wordsmith? No? OK.

It's about time I admit this: I have a crush on a girl. It's the first one since Hurricane Carolyn, so it's kind of weird. I worked with her over the summer. The first time I saw her, I thought, "Wow, she's beautiful." What's that? That's hackneyed? Well, that's literally what I thought, so shut up. I can't control what goes on up here. And she is. Anyway, I didn't really work with her a whole lot at first. But we did a bit, so we got to talking. I found her to be pretty funny and smart. And, you know, I liked looking at her. As the summer went on, I started thinking that maybe I might like her. And honestly, I really fought those thoughts. I didn't want to like her. I didn't want to like anyone. I wanted to be alone, shut up in my little castle, protected and aloof. By the end of August, though, I couldn't kid myself anymore. I really did like her.

Naturally, the next course of action was to avoid these feelings as much as possible. With the summer ending, our paths were going to part soon. So I thought that I would just go the last couple days of work, come back here, and that would be the end of it. Sort of a flirt-and-run? But I think I subconsciously sabotaged my attempts to consciously sabotage myself (did your brain just explode?), because I told her that she should come visit me down here. I didn't even think about it, I just said it. Then she asked what we would do, so I rattled off a few things. At one point, she said it sounds romantic. Yeah, I said, it can be.

And then: Do you want romance? Well, I said, who doesn't? No, she said, with me. Cue panic. Go with sarcastic, evasive answer. She's having none of it. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, I tell her. I tell her that I think she's smart, funny, fun to talk to, and very attractive. Ditto, she says.

Well, crap. My plans just went up in smoke. I just went and said what I told myself I wasn't going to say. Now I have to do something about this, don't I? Yes, you moron, you do. Why don't you ever listen to me? She was off not long after that conversation. But- and I didn't think about this at the time, but I guess it's important- we were totally giving each other the eyes for like a minute.

Because I am nothing if not dedicated to failure, I went back to the drawing board. OK, she mentioned she's still sort of trying to patch things up with her old boyfriend. As long as she's sticking to that, we're in the clear. Naturally, a few days later, I get a message from her: It's over with them. Now what? I got nothing. Might as well see where this goes. So we've had a couple of those all-night conversations where you just talk about all manner of things. And the more I've talked to her and gotten to know her, the more I like her.

By the way, she's planning on driving down here to visit me Saturday. I mention this- and the entire story that preceded it- because this probably constitutes a significant step in the process of... whatever it is we're doing.

I don't know for sure where this is going (though I have a pretty good idea of where we're headed at this point), but... I don't know. There's still that part of me screaming get out, get out now!, the part is terrified I'll just get hurt again. The difference this time, I think, is that I harbor no illusions here. Previous girls seemed... almost perfect. She isn't. I see her flaws, her problems. I almost take comfort in that. I don't have to feel like I need to live up to some standard so I can keep up, like I did with Kat. Maybe it will make me more willing to be vulnerable with her. There are other problems which are, well, problems. But those bridges will be crossed when we get to them. At the same time, it's nice to actually go through this again, to care about someone and seem to have them return that. I had forgotten that simple joy, absentmindedly thinking of sharing a moment with that person, being excited to talk to her again, see her again.

Like I said, the waters are far from calm, for both of us. Right now, though, I'm still trying to get my bearings and figure out what's going on. I've sort of stayed mum about this. Previously, I've just yapped about girls to anyone and everyone. I thought a different approach couldn't hurt. I also don't feel like I'm rushing into anything, which is a huge relief to me. If something is to happen, it should happen in its proper time.

That said, I have no idea what is going to happen Saturday. Of course, this scares the daylights out of me. And if you noticed, gentle friend, I have really not told you anything about her. See? I'm not yapping this time.

I guess Blogger has integrated FoxyTunes now, so I can plug my current song in. Wee.

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Now playing: Daft Punk - Too Long
via FoxyTunes