The sporadic episodes of thought and feeling, unfiltered, that I am prone to and need to release.

16.2.08

I Feel Helpless

There is a guy who comes into CVS more days than not and buys multiple 40-ounce bottles of King Cobra. I'm pretty sure he's homeless.

Today, he bought a can of soup and he wanted to pay for it with his food stamps. He tried to use the card machine, but was too... something (drunk?) to understand my instructions. I had to do it for him. He couldn't read the screen, saying his glasses are broken. Then I saw him using the touch screen, and his fingernails were so brittle one literally crusted off on the screen as he was using it.

I could smell the alcohol on him from a distance. He shows multiple signs of his liver being shot, almost assuredly because of his alcoholism. I wonder how much longer before his organs start to shut down on him. I don't think it's long.

What, exactly, can I do about this?

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I am who I think I am, I am who you know I am, I am who I want to be, who I was, who I could be, who I can't be. I am.