I Hate Christmas?

Wow, it's been a month? Sorry about that. Anyway... Despite the May-like temperatures here in Twinsburg, Christmas season is upon us like Shasta on a dropped pepperoni. We all know what that means: Christmas lights, increases in suicide attempts, awkward office parties, Egg Nog, conversations about how toys were better when we were kids, and people regularly casting aspersions upon me because I "hate" Christmas.

That, of course, is silly. If something involves Jesus, I'm for it, generally speaking. To borrow from Allen Iverson, "We're not talking about Jesus. We're not talking about Jesus. We're talking about Christmas. Christmas?" I just don't go along with the American Christmas culture. For some, that means I hate the holiday. So be it, but I like to see myself as a critical thinker and I'm going to question and reject some of the commonly-held notions of the holiday.

So in that vein, here's my views on Christmas:

- I don't like getting beaten over the head with things, and I don't like being told what is the "correct" way to do something. If you know me, you know I lash out at that when it happens to me. Now that the holiday is starting to encroach on Halloween, it's simply too much. It's overwhelming. And the people that tell me how I ought to embrace the so-called Christmas spirit and celebrate it the same way they do... shut up. Just because it means something different to me than it does to you does not mean you're "better" at it than I am. Get over yourself.

- Sorry, but December 25 is not Jesus' birthday. The holiday is celebrated when it is because the Catholic church put it there to compete with a popular pagan festival. I don't have a problem with that, but facts are facts. "Well, don't you want to celebrate the birth of the Savior?" Of course I do, but I don't need a specific date to do it, and I don't know why you do, either. Aren't we supposed to revere Him 365(6) days a year? You don't get extra credit for Christmas. It just fits into the social mores of our culture that we loooove our birthdays. Besides, the birth itself isn't quite as important as the death, the resurrection, or the ascension. So why isn't Easter given the same treatment?

- I don't hate Christmas music. I really don't. However, I'm not going to like said music just because it's Christmas. That philosophy applies to everything, by the way. I don't like poop more just because it came from Shasta instead of a deer. There is some really, really good Christmas music out there. The Charlie Brown Christmas album and Trans-Siberian Orchestra spring to mind immediately. I could listen to that all year. The problem... well, there's two problems. The first is that for many years, my house was playing the Harry Connick Jr. Christmas CD on a constant loop, which is ear-bleeding bad. That's not going to make someone like Christmas music. The second is that you have the same 15 songs being played, except there's 500 different versions of them that really aren't different at all. Remember what I said about being beaten over the head? The original versions of many of those songs are still the best and still fantastic. Give me those, and throw the rest out. No, we don't need A Britney Spears Christmas. Spare me.

- The Christmas specials. Please, stop. It's too much. I get it: Some guy is a high-powered whatever who is making money at the cost of his family. Something happens and he realizes the importance of his family and that the money really doesn't matter. Great. Now stop making 10 movies with that theme. Just like the music, it's all recycled crap. Give me something original, please. Isn't this a wonderful holiday? Can't we think of something new? As terrible a movie as "Love Actually" is, at least it did something different with the Christmas theme. I'll give it that much. There's a reason everyone watches "A Charlie Brown Christmas," "It's a Wonderful Life," "A Christmas Story," and the Patrick Stewart-led "A Christmas Carol" over and over (and for those of us that know enough, "Scrooged."): They're good movies or TV. They're enjoyable, and they happen to work the Christmas theme in. Even if it was about, say, a rodeo, they would probably still be good.

- Christmas decorations... this can go either way. If you haven't seen that awesome display from last year, just search for "Christmas lights" on YouTube. It's amazing. The thing here is that... it seems like people are trying to prove they have more "Christmas" spirit by throwing up more decorations than their neighbor. That sort of thing annoys me. Plus, it's really bothersome when someone's porch is filled with crap and you're trying to drop off a package. It's just like throwing on a sweater with trees on it just to show everyone else how into it you are. I guess I just don't like posers.

- Gift giving. I'll skip the whole consumer corporate culture thing. We all know that story. On my mom's side of the family, we do a secret Santa thing. Everyone knows how it works. The part that bothers me is that these are people I see once or twice a year, so when I get it, it doesn't really mean anything. I'm required to provide a list. All that's happening is that somebody is choosing something from my list (and is under the $25 limit), and I'm doing the same. We hand it to each other, essentially just buying something for someone when we all could have gotten it for ourselves and saved time. The actual exchange of the gifts is meaningless. It's a soulless procedure.
Really, I don't like the concept of a Christmas list. If you have to ask me what I want, you don't really know me. You're just doing the legwork and I'm doing the thinking for you. If I want something bad enough, I'll get it myself. So there isn't anything come Christmastime I'm uber-excited about getting. That means, then, I want to be surprised. I want you to put some thought and effort into the process. I want it to mean something. Nothing means more to me than something I never thought of but you did.
I never ask someone what they want for Christmas. And if they tell me what they want, they're less likely to get it from me. I go out and I think and I look at stuff. I get it if it speaks to me and I think it is something that would resonate with the person. You never know what you're getting from me! Isn't that how it should be? Gifts from me are the end of a process and something that means something. It demonstrates I know you and I care.
I *love* giving gifts and frankly, I couldn't care much less about getting any in return. The greatest thing ever is a person saying, "Wow, that's really cool" to something I gave them. And that's the greatest present I could ask for (cheesy music).

- So there's this movie coming out, "Unaccompanied Minors." Apparently they get stuck in an airport overnight by themselves or something... I don't know. But the trailer promises that they will learn "the true meaning of Christmas." I will bet cash money that this meaning has absolutely nothing to do with Jesus Christ. And guess what? THAT IS NOT THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS. JESUS IS THE MEANING. I'm sure you've heard "the reason for the season." Well guess what? It's true. Christmas without Jesus (Christ, you know, as in Christmas) is like the 4th of July without the Constitution. It means nothing.
People are especially giving and generous this time of year (allegedly), which is great. But too many people are giving at Christmas and not the rest of the year. Charities have all they can handle at Christmas and not the rest of the year. This "true meaning" of Christmas should apply to the rest of the year. That's what it's really about. Somewhere, we lost that.
Also, I hate Santa Claus. I've been killed for this (especially by the future Mrs. Brownrigg), but I'm not afraid to say it. I wish he would go away. In fact, I'm resolved not to do this to my children. I have two thoughts on this:
1. I don't know why I get grief for choosing not to participate in institutional lying to kids.
2. It all goes back to the whole "reason for the season" thing. We're teaching kids Christmas is about getting presents and being good for rewards, not because of Jesus and the joy of giving (or being good because you're a kid and that's your only freaking job). In essence, we're teaching them the wrong things. I refuse to be a party to that. I will fail my future kids in enough ways anyway.

I think that's it. I hope that clears some things up and that you've thought about what I said here. My goal wasn't to try to persuade, just to establish my position on the matter.