Public Drunkenness and a Citrus Sunburst

Last night, I was relating the tale of the waiter at Rio Grande trying to induce me to drink a shot of tequila and Tep's subsequent argument that I should've taken it, well, just because. I don't know if I qualify as a teetotaler; I can count the number of drinks I've had since I turned 21, though. My decision not to drink really doesn't have a solid reason (we speculate that's why Tep has such a hard time understanding why I don't) aside from the fact I don't drink pop either. Beer isn't good for you, and I try not to drink things that aren't good for you. Oh, if I could only apply that to food...

I take a very ambivalent view toward drinking. I don't like drunkenness, but aside from that, I really don't care if you drink or not. The problem with that is that I'm in college. People expect me to drink. It's as if they want me to drink. When I mention that I go to OU to some people, they give me the whole, "Oh, you guys party pretty hard down there, huh?" I tell them that I don't, and they tend to not believe me. For some reason, doctors are especially skeptical of this. But... whatever. Believe me or don't.

The real interesting thing in my experience has been telling other people in school with me that I don't drink. Some are fine with it. Others get borderline angry, asking what makes me think I'm so special that I won't have a beer. Uh, nothing. I just don't want it. I don't want a giraffe either, but I don't see you getting upset about that. Still others will try and get me to take a drink as if I've never experienced peer pressure before. No, really. I'm fine with my decision. No, just because you give me the "c'mon" voice doesn't mean I'll change my mind.

At the same time, I can see where some people get defensive. Some people do have some measure of guilt about the fact they drink, and I see where they would find someone else not drinking irksome. Along the same vein, there's really no good way to say, "I don't drink." Try it. Didn't you just sound a little uppity? I've tried to minimize this over the years. I decided the best way to say it is apologetically, like I feel bad about. "Sorry, I don't drink. I know. I feel bad about it too." Usually, you have to justify your decision for some reason. I've never understood this. Why do I have to defend the fact I'm not doing something that really adds nothing to my life? It's not like I'm not getting a driver's license or anything. Furthermore, why is it that people who do drink don't have to justify it? I don't get it. Either way, I have a myriad of excuses: Medication, blood donation, the idea of liquid bread is unappealing. I've tried just shrugging my shoulders and saying I just don't dig it, but that just seems to confuse people. Furthermore, people seem more puzzled about my not drinking after I turned 21. I guess they can understand it if I'm underage, but now that I'm legal, I'm not fulfilling my duties as an American.

Like I mentioned, there are those people who seem determined to get you to down some alcohol at some point. I don't get these people either. I'm not forcing you to play ultimate frisbee, why try to force me to do this? However, they're infinitely more amusing. I encountered them mainly during my time at The Post. They seemed enthralled by the novelty of some freshman not drinking at first. They pledged this wouldn't continue. Typical statements included, "I didn't drink at first, either" and "The Post will drive you to drinking." Well, it didn't. All it did was destroy my self-confidence and leave me angry and bitter. Good trade. Some people even offered me money to have a can of something. In retrospect, I'm not sure I made the wise decision in turning them down.

I do have to say, though, that being the non-drinker usually makes you stand out at a party. And most likely, you're not having much fun- I never did. The immortal Bryson Turner described it best:
I'd go to a party and a girl would offer me a drink. I'd say, "Oh, no, I don't drink."

"Oh, wow. That is so cool. I respect that so much." (turns around) "Hey, you want a beer? Cool. You want to have sex later? Oh, don't worry, I just found someone to complain about you to."

I guess we all have our place in the world.

Also, I'm annoyed neither Wal-Mart nor Kroger have refills for my Air Wick. Darn it, I want fresh-smelling air! I'll have to use the $1 Renuzit things in the interim, I suppose. But if you find any Air Wick air fresheners (not the oil), especially citrus-scented... hook me up.