Say it Ain't So, Rocky

This is a "The Whirling Dervish" piece originally published by Speakeasy October 27, 2005.  I only offer this because I predicted the fourth "Rambo" movie.

There are good ideas, like having Quentin Tarantino as a guest director during the filming of “Sin City.” There are bad ideas, such as casting George Clooney as Batman.  And then there’s the idea to make a sixth “Rocky” movie.
 
While Hollywood is a place where mystifying decisions are made all the time, this one is one of the most stupefying. When this was announced, was there honestly anyone that thought they couldn’t wait for this? Or did everyone react with an appropriate mix of dread and skepticism at the prospect of seeing a 60-year-old Stallone in the ring? Is anyone else hoping that he won’t be killed?

What’s more, his wife, Adrian, will be dead.  Well, there goes half the dialogue.  What is he supposed to half-coherently mumble about now? There really isn’t a good way to look at this. And how can there be a sixth “Rocky” when everyone agreed that “Rocky V” should havenever happened?

This has the potential to kill the previous “Rocky” movies. Kids who have never seen the other movies before might see this one first, and they’ll never want to see another one again.  And that’s a shame, because the first three movies in the franchise are great to watch.  It’s hard not to get inspired by Balboa’s determination. It’s hard not to watch “Rocky III” and think “Wow, that Mr. T. was one tough dude. This is even better than those 1-800-COLLECT begin_of_the_skype_highlighting              1-800-COLLECT      end_of_the_skype_highlighting commercials he did."

“Rocky” is one of those movies fathers show to their sons as they get older. But this almost seems like the joke in “Spaceballs” in which the movie critic reviewed “Rocky 5000.” Sly, it’s not too late. Just make the fourth Rambo movie- also a bad, bad idea- and spare us. Nobody watched “The Contender.” Nobody wants to see a geriatric Rocky Balboa getting his brains beat in by Roy Jones Jr. And you just know Stallone is going to make Rocky win that match somehow.  He won’t be able to resist. And that’s just ridiculous. Who would believe it? Evander Holyfield is a young buck at 43 by comparison and he’s staggered around the ring like he just ate the worm the last few years.

Record Hurricane Season
 
It’s somewhat surprising scientists aren’t using this insane hurricane season to twist the arms of people and make them admit global warning is real and a problem. Three massive hurricanes this year are no coincidence. The newest one, Wilma, was the most powerful ever in the Atlantic Ocean and further proof people shouldn’t give bad names to hurricanes.

After it battered central America, it has its way with Florida, with scientists predicting it won’t lose much strength over land. Well, isn’t that wonderful? I think Los Angeles is going to fall into the ocean next week the way we’re going.

There have been so many tropical storms in the Atlantic this year they’ve actually run out of names. They have now started to use Greek letters. Hurricane Alpha, the year’s 13th storm, set a new record. Hey, this is a problem! There are reasons hurricanes appear. Perhaps we should look at why and try to mitigate the causes.


Afghan Iraq?
 
Speaking of hiding one’s head in the sand, Condoleezza Rice said she wants the U.S. to follow the “Afghan model” in Iraq. This is a fantastic idea. Allowing local warlords to take control of various portions of the country, rampant drug trafficking, continuing to fight rebels in remote areas and having no reasonable way to leave in the foreseeable future is a winning plan everyone can get on board with.

While the recent earthquake in Kashmir is a tragedy by any stretch of the imagination, it’s possible some positive consequences could come of it. Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf said he is ready to open the Line of Control on the India border to allow as much aid as India is willing to send across the border, a move the Indians welcomed.  If anything good can come of this, perhaps the two countries can finally start building a bridge over that wide chasm between them. Everyone there could use peace.