The Ninth Potion

I was on a date in August. We were having a good time and found ourselves sitting on my couch, talking. The two of us started asking each other more probing questions, the kind you ask when you're trying to get to know someone on a deeper level¹. She asked me if I had ever been in love. I told her, truthfully, that I had not been. She asked me why. Now, I could just as soon tell you why I'm right handed. Some things just are.

What struck me was the way she said it, as though she either was not sure if I was telling the truth or if she could not believe the truth. How could I not have been in love? It's easier to believe, I suppose, when you're better apprised of my, ahem, romantic history. I haven't been in love simply because I have yet to have a legitimate chance to do so.

The story is well-worn by now: Bad decisions, bad breaks, a little heartbreak. I won't bore you with the retelling. However, it does seem a little unusual: How many Americans around my age haven't had the experience in any capacity, not even as a high schooler. I do not consider this a bad thing².

To say I've been in love before means, essentially, that I have failed in love. What could be worse than being in love and having that not succeed?³ I don't want “prior experience” in love. I want to say “I love you” to one single person. I want to experience and learn love for the first time, the only time, with the person that experiences it with me only. It sounds crazy and perhaps a little too idealistic, but you can't get to the moon⁴ unless you try.

I haven't been in love. I will be, though, and that's not something I'm going to need to explain to anyone⁵.

__________________________________________________________________________________

1 A personal favorite: Arwen or Eowyn?

2 Even if it does make me look inexperienced in some weird way.

3 With the possible exception of sucking out on a one-outer on the river.

4 And I want to set up camp in the Sea of Tranquility, to be as cheesy as possible.

5 Unless they want to know how storybook it is. In that case, I'll be happy to tell them.