The sporadic episodes of thought and feeling, unfiltered, that I am prone to and need to release.

30.1.08

Not That I Pretend to Have Anything Figured Out, But...

Last night, the phone rang. This is a fairly seldom occurrence on its own, so I'm usually surprised when it happens. What nearly shocked me though was that "Immigrant Song" was playing from the phone. That's the ex-girlfriend's ringtone. I hadn't bothered to change it, because why would I? So I just sat there for a moment, making sure I was hearing what I thought I was hearing. Yep, sure was. I stared at the phone for a couple seconds. Should I answer it? Sure.

What followed amounted to an admission on her part. She had problems. She was doing things she shouldn't have been doing, and she realizes fully what that meant at last. There were people she hurt, so she wanted to apologize to those people.

I never expected an apology, so getting one was a pleasant surprise. Yeah, it felt good. If someone comes to me and I think they're contrite, I'm pretty quick to forgive. Some may say that's a bad thing, but I disagree with those people. If she's serious about fixing things, I want to help her in whatever way I can. I hope she can, because there's so much good that can come of it if she does.

In my hurry to get to tonight's basketball game- and by hurry, I mean arrive before the one hour to tip countdown started- I left my keys in the car. And for whatever reason, I liked it on the way out. And for pretty much the first time, I elected to do so by pressing the button on the door. I don't think I had ever done it that was before. Why did I do that? No idea. Possible subconscious sabotage, maybe. But I didn't even realize this until the game was over (four straight for the Cats!), so I had to tromp to Tim's place in the rain- wasn't good for my wig- and call the police to help me.

They came, but they couldn't get the door open. Phone calls were made, and a locksmith was found. The game probably ended in the 9:30 range, and this episode didn't resolve until about 12:45. Outstanding. Plus, whatever the police did trying to get the door open, the passenger door doesn't open from the outside anymore. For those of us keeping score, I've locked myself out of my car and my apartment in the span of 10 days. Go me.

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I am who I think I am, I am who you know I am, I am who I want to be, who I was, who I could be, who I can't be. I am.