Self-Loathing in 2008

If one good man plants himself upon his convictions, the whole world will come round. -Emerson

I am fully cognizant of the fact that, at 23, I am still young. Some people wait a lifetime- some more- for that to hold true. Yet I can't help but wonder I have planted myself on firm ground or quicksand, if I will stand tall or watch the earth swallow me whole.

This is almost certainly an overreaction to a semi-fight with who feels sometimes like my semi-girlfriend, but I'm questioning if my choices and decisions in life haven't isolated me from the greater part of the humanity around me. If she understands and respects those decision as she claims, she does not accept them or agree with them. Nor do most people. The problem with living your life differently than most do is you meet resistance from those who, for whatever reason, take offense (however unjustifiably) at your life. And people who tend to live their lives like I do seem to pair off rather quickly. It makes sense, I guess: When you're on that path, you realize there aren't many others on that path, and you want to hold on to one if you can find one.

(Quick aside: Since when does a closed door mean I want to be bothered every 10 minutes? Stop it.)

In all, I feel increasingly alone. I don't feel like it's anyone's fault, really, and I don't have any idea how it can be changed. I can't change my stances, even if she wants to pressure me (a little) to do so. It's who I am, and I can't be anyone else. I don't do pretense well, even if my mother would like me to pretend to give a crap about the guests in the house.

Maybe the world will come round. More likely, it'll crush me.